‘What do you think he means? Do you think that things are going well?’ This approach will open up the opportunity for him to talk.” “Instead of rushing to reassure a loved-one that things are going well, when he asks, ‘Did the doctor say anything about how I’m doing? Offer him an opportunity to tell you how he thinks things are going.The ‘wait and see’ response gives me and the patient time to deal with the situation.” Yet agreeing to something that is obviously untrue can be harmful and for, for me at least, unpleasant. “Challenging statements made by a terminally ill individual in denial only results in anger and hostility. “Inappropriate denial can be very difficult to live with, whether the denial is in the one who is ill, possibly causing him to treat his illness in an unwise fashion, or in the family, making it impossible for the dying individual to have meaningful conversations with the family and thus prepare himself and them for his death!”.So, denial needs to be handled in such a way that the terminally ill individual receives the best possible treatment as early as possible without undue emotional trauma.” While giving the individual time to gather his resources to face an emotional upheaval, it can also encourage costly, time-consuming procrastination in treatment that can have disastrous effects. “Initial denial tends to be a mixed blessing.Denial can produce “partial deafness”, “deafness to long-term treatment”, “blindness to symptoms,” and “blindness in waiting.” “Denial effectively allows us to put off facing unpalatable facts.”.“When an individual learns he has a fatal disease, his initial reaction is typically, ‘I don’t believe it!’ The same disbelieving reaction occurs in close friends or family members of the person diagnosed as having a fatal disease.”.“Why are we afraid to die? Because death severs our ties to the familiar, because the time of death is uncertain, and because death is basically an unknown.” (The author develops each of these reasons.).He waits passively, allowing himself to be cared for, treated, and ‘worked on’ and carries on little discussion because he is afraid to lose the few people who come to treat him and spend time with him.” He usually hides his triumphs and his defeats, his insights and his feelings carefully, lest he upset, shock, or inconvenience those around him. By and large, we deal with our fear of death by denying the very fact of death.” “In today’s society, we live in what can be called a death-denying culture.For many of you this will be more than you want to read, but for others of you they may be helpful. The Christian’s response to terminal illnessĪs I sometimes do in my reviews, I’m concluding with a number of direct quotes.Section Four: Responses to Terminal Illness When the family faces a parent’s terminal illness.The importance of communicating the diagnosis.Section Three: Terminal illness and the family The table of contents will give you a good idea of what this book is about: Kopp as my physician or the physician of one of my close loved-ones in a life-threatening health situation. Looking forward in my life, I would be extremely pleased to have Dr. However, I probably wouldn’t have been ready for them anyway. Looking back in my life, I wish I’d had the insights of this book when I was dealing with the death of my father in 1967 and my mother in 1996. I also appreciated that she has treated enough terminally ill patients of all ages, both Christians and non-Christians, that she does not stereotype them, nor stereotype their families or doctors. What impressed me most about When Someone You Love Is Dying was the practical wisdom of the author, her solid grounding in the Word of God, which she weaves throughout the book, and her generous use of real-life case-studies. ‘We are not at sea in a rudderless ship, nor are we totally alone.’” Kopp is able to equip those who are dealing with terminal illness to understand and respond, using the resources God has given. With such a handbook as this, we need no longer feel that there is nothing we can do. “The shadow of death brings with it a sense of helplessness. It is a handbook for the patients themselves, for those who counsel them, for their friends and loved ones, and for people in the medical profession who care for them. “Ruth Kopp, a specialist in clinical oncology, has written this book on the basis of her considerable experience with terminally ill patients. This is a book to help the person who is ready and willing to learn. It is only when someone we know or love is dying that we struggle to learn how to respond. After reading When Someone You Love Is Dying, I would concur with the blurb on the back cover: “Few people are equipped by nature or by temperament to face the needs of a person who is dying.
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